I always wanted to do a blogpost, but I was just too busy with my study, social life, getting my drivers license and other things...
BUT since I quit my study last week, I feel so free now....like a heavy stone on my shoulders just disappeared!
This study was too difficult for me, (and believe me: I HATE TO ADMIT THIS)..even for the other people. I missed the basic of mathematics and that made it be even more difficult, (This is not an excuse, I always think: if you do your best, you will succeed).,even if I do this year all over again. BUT at a certain point I got very depressed(it was around the middle of March), I couldn't see the light anymore, it's like I'm floating in a black hole, don't know where to go and what to do. And doing the year over again is like digging an other hole for myself and jump inside that hole.
Furthermore, I was being unconscious about everything, when people talk to me, I couldn't get concentrated and LISTEN to people, of course I heard them, but it were my brains that couldn't pick up anything what they said, so I couldn't say anything back. I couldn't just go to people and talk to them, not because I don't like them.....actually my heart said, you have to talk to people, but my brain said "NOTHING"!!!!! because I was unconscious!! I thought I lost the human ability to talk to people.
Things were going like that for a while till the end of March, when the situation got worse....I let things go, I gave up, I wasn't doing my best to fix things, I failed.
One thing I did right was: I didn't turn my back to the people who were always supporting me and who loves me. I knew that I can always count on them and they will be just as supportive as they have always been. I am really thankful.
because of the support and love I woke up and started to think...I had deep thoughts and I was thinking really hard. Finally I realized: things can not be like this any longer, I can't let people down by being unhappy, and since my motivation was gone(because of the bad grades) and I got mentally ill sometimes....I had a conclusion, I said to myself: THIS IS NOT GOOD for me anymore..I have to make a decision.
So I decided to quit...that's the best thing I can do
It was a very difficult decision to make....and I am proud of myself that I was brave enough to make this decision.
But this doesn't means that I'm not going to study anymore...I'm going to look for other studies that are easier, healthier for me and (most important: )that makes me happy
"One door got closed doesn't means that the other doors are not open", this is not the only way to move forward. If you keep looking forward, you will find the right path.
This path may not be easy to pass through, but if you really want something, the universe will give you the power and support you to move forward.
And even though you have chosen the wrong path, you will learn from it. Like I did! I didn't spend a year for nothing? To be honest..I learned a lot! And what you've learned is from you, nobody can take away from you...
I will be fine=D I will survive!
So, try to be happy....A lot of people thinks being happy is really easy(for example having tons of money, power or owns everything!), but there are enough people in the world, who got tons of money and power, but still being unhappy and unsatisfied. I believe if you want to be happy you will find out what will make you truly happy. If you're unhappy right now, you have to do a self-review, just ask yourself, why can't I be happy? The answer to this question, is it a thing that you can change about? Or the thing that has to be changed is yourself?
Do the things that you can do, don't be late, as long as you're happy!
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